Friday, March 26, 2021

Forgiveness And Admitting Fault Goes A Long Way All The Way Around


During the past month, I have experienced levels of clarity that I haven't experienced in years. Or, maybe ever. Most of this had to do with our overnight guest and last week when Lisa was on vacation for a week.

I mentioned that I would share all of this with you. And I will. As time goes on. There is just so much to share, but that's going to surface over the next couple of months as we tackle some landscaping and super cool projects along with other stuff. 

What I do want to share right now is my recent experience with a couple of things. 


Admitting fault.

I need to back up to when we bought our house in February of last year. During that time, we reconnected with a friend. She's an incredible woman who would drop everything and be at your doorstep five minutes after you called asking for help. 

It would probably be less than 5 minutes after for us because she lives on the same street as us now.

She was a big help and for a few months after we moved into our new house, we had her over quite a bit for dinner and such. Sometimes, she would just stop over to have a drink and chat for a while. Our kids adore her. 

She is also a Dog Mom to a couple of rescue pups who we absolutely adore. 

During this time, we were feeling a shift with a few people in our old neighborhood who once called us family. I'm not going to go into detail. What I will say is that Lisa and I were not expecting that sort of response. 

It hit us both hard. We sort of built a wall around us and focused on our little family, work, our new house, projects, coping with the COVID-19 pandemic, etc. 

Our friend reached out to me a few times, but I was standoffish and purposely argued about stupid shit. This was my coping mechanism. I didn't want to go through what we had just gone through with those who had once called us family. 

If we kept our distance from people, that wouldn't happen again, right?

The shifting continued with those who had once called us family. No one celebrated our anniversary or birthdays like they used to. Right around my birthday, we received the cherry on top of the sundae via text and card. 

That hit us even harder.

Flash forward to the week after we had a weekend visitor in mid-February. Our friend who we had distanced ourselves from reached out to me. In short, I found out that she was putting her house on the market and moving out of state. We had a lot of catching up to do.

This is when "forgiveness" and "admitting fault" came into play. 

I remembered a few conversations that Lisa and I had the week after Christmas. We both agreed that we needed to forgive and move on. Harboring bitterness and disappointment over what we had been through with the select few who had called us family at one time was like a black cloud. We couldn't keep that wall around us. 

When the new year hit, we closed those chapters and moved on. Moving on meant that we remembered all of the good times we had with them, embraced the memories we made and realized that nothing was going to change. 

By forgiving and moving on, the air cleared. The walls came crumbling down. We were no longer going to isolate ourselves. We'd proceed with caution and hope for the best.

I responded to our friend's message and asked if she wanted to come over that Friday for Girls Night. Appetizers. Wine. She immediately replied, "Yes!" 

When she arrived, we hugged for a really long time. I didn't realize how much I missed her. We both missed her. 

Lisa was at work.

Shortly into the evening, I admitted fault. I told her she didn't deserve that and I was a complete asshole. I explained to her what we had gone through and why we had distanced ourselves. We both shed a few tears. 

Then, she said...

"I know what you guys went through and I understand why you kept to yourselves. That's why I didn't say much because I knew you were going through a lot. But, you guys are family to me and I knew that we'd be together again."

We both said so much more.

That night was rather great. Before she left, we agreed that every Friday would be Girls Night until she left to start her new adventures. 

Total. Pinky. Swear. 

Since then, we've had Girls Night every Friday. When Lisa was on staycation, she was able to join us and we included our awesome neighbor friend. We had such a fabulous evening. 

I published this photo on my personal Facebook wall along with a couple of paragraphs...

"Girls Night in our home isn't just about scrumptious food and cocktails. Not even close. Girls Night is all about connection, love, unity, freedom, and confidentiality. Like with Vegas, what happens and is said here, STAYS here. 

Our mantra is "come as you are." That was the theme for our wedding back in 2012. Yep. If you want to get dressed up, fine. If you want to show up in jammies, fine. You'll feel beautiful either way because I will tell you just that. You. Are. Beautiful. 

Our home is a judgment-free zone. You can talk about anything. A shitty day at work. A crap week. Menopause. Dating. Sex. Family stuff. You can drop words like "vagina" and "boobs" and "other unmentionables." And, there is certainly NO shortage of F-Bombs. 

Girls Nights are just that. When you pause life for just a little bit. To just be. Laugh. Cry. Share. Exist. To feel beautiful. Eat. Drink. And, know that when the evening ends, everything that is shared stays within the confines of those walls. Solidarity."

About a week after our friend put her house on the market, it sold. The closing date is the end of April. I remember the day when she called me with the news. I asked her if it was a mix of exciting and sad news. She said, "Yes..."

Yeah, we're sad, but we are both so happy for her. 

We have a few more Girls Nights to enjoy. 

We're keeping our fingers and paws crossed that everything goes as planned.

So, yeah. 


Admitting fault. 

It goes a long way all the way around. 

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