Friday, January 1, 2016

A Mental List Of Un-Resolutions For 2016

New Year's Day. A blank 365 page book. A new year. Resolutions. For some, the first day without a cigarette or carbs. Others, the first day of juice cleansing, a trip to the gym or embarking on some new diet craze out there. A new beginning. A fresh start. Me? I'm sitting on the sofa. Writing this. Sipping wine. Leftover peppermint bark melting in my mouth.

I'm all fat and happy.

I'm 42. I've made my fair share of New Year's Resolution lists. I learned, many years ago, I have a tendency to set the bar too high. Set myself up for failure. I jotted down too many numbers. Lose 50 pounds. Be able to run 10 miles by the summer. Squeeze my fat ass into a size 8 pair of jeans. Indulge in 2 glasses of wine instead of 4.

As I neared the age of 40, I dropped the numbers and unrealistic goals. My New Year's Resolutions shifted more towards making improvements, putting more effort into this instead of that, and making changes based on trials and tribulations, mistakes made, and lessons learned.

You can read all about that shit here

Good ol' 2015 will always stand out as a myriad of reminders. A totem of sorts. A place I will visit when I need a reality check or a smidgen of perspective.

I didn't physically write out a list of resolutions. There's no sense in adding to my obnoxious piles of notes on my desk.

I do have goals. Things I'd like to improve. A few changes I want to make. Increase my productivity. Where I'm at in those areas, at this time next year, who knows. It's uncertain.

What can be counted on, with much certainty, is my mental list of New Year's Un-Resolutions. What this boils down to is stuff that won't be happening in 2016.

1. There will be no Bodacious Yard & Bake Sales this year. It was a family decision. You can read about that here and here.

2. I'll still be the foul-mouthed, big-ray-of-sunshine delight that you've all become acquainted with. I'm all about the peace, love and help thy neighbor. However, my usage of the F-bomb isn't going to dwindle down anytime soon. Neither is my candid tongue.

3. Extended baking for the humans. This year, we baked more biscuits and focused more on holiday biscuit love...for the pups. My motto was 'more for the pups, less for the humans.'  We're going to stick with this. For those who thought my 2015 Christmas baking mental breakdown, that actually began in 2014,  was a temporary thing. It wasn't. If you didn't receive a platter or basket of baked good this year, there's a good chance you won't receive one in 2016.

4. No more shits to give. In 2014 we didn't care what people thought when we extended our family. In 2015, same thing. We have 3 rescue kids. Yes, our life has changed drastically. Did we care what people thought as our family extended? Nope. Will we start caring in 2016? Nope.

5. My appearance won't improve much in 2016. Sloppy buns. Old t-shirts. Cotton skirts (or lounge pants) with tiny holes in them (compliments of pup claws). Crocs flip flops or clogs with teeth marks embedded. Unpolished nails (rolling biscuit dough and nail polish doesn't mix). No makeup. Dog fur accessorizing tops and bottoms.

6. Putting up with half of what I did in 2015. My time, our time, is just as important as yours and yours and yours. Don't expect us to move mountains and swim oceans if you've recently cancelled plans with us 5 times in a row. Please don't reach out to us "with a favor" if the only time you're going to reach out to us, or acknowledge us, is...for that favor.

7. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. If anyone wants to start a sentence, directed at us, with, "You do all this stuff for your dogs and shelter dogs, but you can't....." it's not going to get you far. It didn't last year and it won't this year.

8. Catering to the masses. One of the best compliments I've ever received, in my 25 year writing career is, "When I read your piece, I could hear you saying this to me." As a writer, this translates to keeping true to my voice. And, I'll admit, over the years, this has been a struggle. The temptation to cater to the masses or, in a more simpler approach, write in a voice that pleases everyone, gets the best of me. However, like with years prior, I will continue to skip down the path of unpopular and write in my voice. Don't like it? Well, there's other stuff to read on the Internet.

9. While we're on the topic of the path of unpopular...  I'm quite happy there. My aversion towards inflated egos, keyboard warriors, and ring-leaders of "high-school mentality" popularity clubs will remain as it has. Middle finger extended. Skirt lifted to expose my fat, pearly white ass.

10. High-Horse mentality. I'll continue to stand on the ground I have for many years. Eating stale, greasy popcorn. Sipping watered down soda. Watching a select few grasping the reigns on their high horse. Hold on tight. The higher up you think you are, the longer and harder the fall.


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