Saturday, May 16, 2020

This Has Kept Me Awake At Night...

I heard from an old friend last week. In short, she's always been that honest friend. She could easily be the poster child for George Carlin's quote, "Everyone appreciates your honesty until you're honest with them. Then, you're an asshole." I'm fairly certain we've maintained our friendship for over a decade because of our appreciation for each other's honesty. 

This friend of mine has always been my best critic when it comes to my writing. When she reached out to me, the bulk of her email was about the content of this blog. Part of me was waiting for this email. 

"You know I read between the lines. You're not writing in your voice. You've been holding back for quite some time. Flirting with those waters you used to swim in."

I was grinding my teeth as I read her lengthy email. As much as I appreciate her honesty and I knew it was coming, it was a bitter pill to swallow. But, I knew she was right all the way around.

I sat with it for a long time.

A really, really long time.

It has kept me awake at night.

It is the reason why I sit on the back porch during the day and reflect.

It is the reason why I had to go through my work over the past few years.

In doing so, I realized that it had very little to do with work stuff.

It had everything to do with the world that surrounded me outside of our home.

And, fear.

The fear of writing in my own voice.

Because, when you're honest, people don't like that.

Usually, there are consequences.

At the time, the consequences would have effected Lisa and our kids immensely.

After much reflection and many almost sleepless nights, I realized that I needed to get out of that mode. We're not there anymore. We're here.

I need to shed that old skin.

Close some chapters.


I plan on doing that.

More so, although a bit scratchy, my voice is coming back.

The candid Work at Home Dog Mom voice.

The proud Wife and Dog Mom voice.

But, for now, I'm going to enjoy the weekend with Lisa and our kids...

1 comment:

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