Thursday, October 29, 2020

Buying A House Changes You...

 They say that life has a way of changing you. While I agree with that sentiment, I think using the word "life" is too vague. It needs to be more elaborative. Situations change you. Milestones change you. Rites of passage change you. Making tough decisions change you. Success changes you. Failure changes you. Grief changes you. And...

Buying a house changes you.

We bought a house back in February. It was a celebratory moment for so many reasons. Sure, the process was stressful and packing and moving were tedious, but it was all worth it. 


In the months to follow, we realized quite a bit. We've gained a new perspective on a lot of things. Above all, our lives as a family have drastically changed for the better. 

1. It's extremely quiet here. Our kids can nap and relax peacefully without continuous interruptions. My desk work does not revolve around constant daily noise. Our meals are not interrupted. We can watch TV without having to pause it because our kids are barking because of the noise. We are not awakened late at night multiple times because of unnecessary noise. 

After we moved here, we didn't realize just how much our lives revolved around the noise and the effect it had on our kids, especially during the last couple of years we lived there. I think with a lot of situations, you don't know how bad it is until after you remove yourself from the situation or the people contributing to it. 

2. Our house is insulated. The old home that we lived in for almost 8 years was a rental in a 2 family home that was not insulated. In addition, it was a bit drafty. It completely sucked during the cold weather months. However, we never turned our heat above 65 because we would have been filling our oil tank every other week. 

Our house is thoroughly insulated. Most times during the cold weather months, and just recently, we are warm and comfortable with the heat on 63-64. The house retains the heat. It's not kicking on all the time. And, when I bake, which is often, it holds in the warmth from the oven. We go through very little oil during the cold weather months. 

3. Our weekends and staycations revolve around no one. In March, for the first time in years, Lisa took a staycation without it revolving around having to house sit, pet sit, assist others with renovations, projects, etc. During that week, we unpacked and got our house decorated, but it was at our own pace. Since March, Lisa has taken 2 other staycations. We got a lot of projects done, but again, it's been at our own pace. No schedule. No deadlines. 

We have also made it a habit to have "No Plans" weekends. There was a time when we had plans almost every weekend. Most of those weekends involved having people over for dinner or to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestones. Not anymore. We enjoy our quiet weekends. Just us and our kids. 

4. We no longer have to put up with the bullshit. For almost 8 years, we put up with a lot of it. From a lot of people. More than I care to admit. We bent over backward for a lot of people. We were doormats for a lot of people. We forgave people and gave them the benefit of the doubt over and over again. Over the years, we made changes, but it wasn't enough. It kept happening time and time again. And we had to put up with a lot of it because, well...

Not anymore. As the saying goes, "Not my (our) circus. Not my (our) monkeys." 

5. Our boundaries are big and bold. Lisa and I are givers. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. That will never change. However, over the years, we realized that we needed to set some boundaries because takers, well...they don't have any. We also realized that when you start speaking up and out, the takers don't like that too much. 

Lisa and I have continued our mission to help others in need and to spread kindness and love. But, we are very much aware of those who have taken advantage of us. Those who have spoken ill of us after we made changes in the best interest of our family. Those who failed to have our backs when we weren't around. Those who have welcomed us with open arms only because we served a purpose in their life. Those who saw us as a mere convenience in their lives. Those who made snarky comments instead of celebrating our milestones. 

6. Our home is our sanctuary. No bullshit. No drama. No judgment. No gossip. If we invite you into our home, do not take that lightly. You have been invited because we like you and deem you as safe. Please don't take advantage of that. Ever. If you think about taking advantage of that, refer to numbers 4 and 5. 

7. No guilt. We're not going to feel guilty for having boundaries. Living our best life. Taking care of us and our family. Saying no. Putting our foot down. Making the decisions we have since February and prior to that. Not initiating contact with those who can't be bothered with us. Closing chapters. Not hosting gatherings for birthdays and anniversaries and other celebratory occasions. Protecting our well being on every level. Not being available to house and pet sit, assist with renovations, and being at everyone's beck and call. 

8. We will continue to work hard, grow, and learn. That's life. Until you take your last breath. We both are still taking advice and learning from our elders. We work our asses off for what we have and what we have accomplished. We live a simple life. Down to earth. We embrace balance. We appreciate kindness and we spread it like wildfire. We are thankful and humble. Always.

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