Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Sometimes You Have To Let Go In Order To Move On...

One of the hardest things about buying a house and moving out of your neighborhood is realizing the authenticity of friendships. Or, the lack of. We moved into the home we rented back in July of 2012. We made friends with quite a few of our neighbors. Over the years, we became close friends. Some of those friends became like family to us. 

During those years we made a lot of memories. We celebrated milestones and rites of passages. We assisted during difficult times. We helped out with a considerable amount of home renovations. We took care of furry kids while neighbor friends were away on vacation. Some of those vacations lasted for almost 2 weeks.

We welcomed newcomers into the community. We hosted Girl's Night and backyard fires and holiday and birthday festivities. We hosted Life and Love celebrations and a graduation party. We contributed to festivities for birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. 

When I baked and cooked, I always made extra to share...just because. I honestly can't remember a single time that I baked goodies and did not share.

During the late Spring and Summer months, our neighborhood tribe was like a Farmers Market. We were given freshly picked fruits and vegetables. I baked goodies with the fruit. Made savory foods with the vegetables. We always shared. Delivered fresh and hot.

When we announced that we had found the perfect home for our family in early January, I think a few people were shocked. Understandably so. We had rented our home for almost 8 years and for most of those years, we had no intention of moving except to buy a piece of land with a neighbor friend and build a duplex. 

But, life is life. Things change. 

During the 2 intense confrontations that happened in November of last year, a lot of things fell into place. Questions were answered. 

Bottom line, Lisa and I realized we needed to make some serious changes for the well being of us and our family.

We did just that. 

Our original plan was to close on our house mid-February and not move until the end of March.


Due to the stress and a great deal of other stuff that I won't mention, we made the decision to move the Saturday after we closed.

We made this known to our neighbor friends over the course of a few days.

Mind you, Lisa and I were very excited. Anxious. Nervous. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. But, overall we were so happy. 

One early evening, Lisa visited one of our neighbor friends with a batch of cookies. She shared the news that we would be moving sooner than later. Lisa arrived home much sooner than anticipated. I knew something was bothering her. 

Lisa told me that when she shared our exciting news, our neighbor friend snapped at her because a service that we had provided for years would end a month sooner than expected.

Lisa was upset. Hurt. Bothered. So was I. Truthfully, we were both shocked by their reaction. And, I think we were both in denial a little bit. We didn't want to think that our close friendship with this neighbor friend was solely based on the services we provided.

After we moved and were settled in, we had a House Warming party. Only a few of our old neighbor friends showed up.

One of our neighbor friends decided to head down the path of bad-mouthing us. They opted to smear our names in the mud because they didn't want to take responsibility for a lot of stuff. That "stuff" included but is not limited to, what they allowed, what they owed us, what they failed to follow through with, being honest about what really happened, and their inability to take their rose colored glasses off.

In the weeks to follow, we didn't hear from most of our old neighbor friends. I was constantly reaching out to them. 

On the flip side, people who we least expected to assist us with moving and keeping in touch with us or visiting us, they came out of the woodwork! In addition, our new neighbors welcomed us with open arms. 

All of that was a lot to take in. Swallow. Deal with. Accept. 

But, we have.

We stopped reaching out to old neighbor friends who apparently viewed our friendship as a convenience rather than actual unconditional friendships. 

We stopped nurturing the one-way street friendships. 

We decided to focus on those people who have been there for us. Unconditionally. Old and new.

We decided to let go of the promises and payments and other goods promised to us for our services and such. 

Closed chapters.

We're done.

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