Thursday, August 22, 2019

When You Have A Meltdown At 4:30 In The Morning...

I made a promise a few years ago to share the messy stuff. Yep. So here it goes. I had a meltdown at 4:30 this morning. I got up at 4. Made Lisa's breakfast and lunch. Sat at the table to begin my workday. I asked Lisa a question. She answered. I replied back. The brief conversation went on for less than a minute. I don't even remember what it was about. That's when it happened...

I burst into uncontrollable tears. Stormed into the living room. Sat on the sofa. At some point between point A and point B, I grabbed the box of tissues because I knew it was coming.

I'm fairly certain Lisa was a bit stunned by my outburst of tears because she brought me a fresh cup of coffee. When I refused, she offered me a throat lozenge and an allergy pill.

Lisa and I are both on the mend from being down with the sickness, but we still have the lingering cough and chest congestion. 

I. Just. Sat. There.


Big. Huge. Tears.

I had no idea why.

I pulled myself together when it came time to feed our kids breakfast and get through the rest of our morning routine before Lisa left for work.

And that included a kiss and "I love you" because you never go to bed and you never leave for work or errands without doing those 2 things. Ever. It doesn't matter if you're having a meltdown, in the middle of doing something, or angry.

I continued my teary-eyed, soggy face meltdown after Lisa left. At the kitchen table. In a daze. None of the kids like it when I cry. They were at my feet wondering, "What's wrong with our Mommy."

I got on the floor with them for snuggles and playtime. Then, I laid on the bed with all 4 kids. Rubbed their bellies. Lots of juicy kisses. Then, they found their comfy spots. Coco snuggled against my feet. Sophie against my chest. Lobo against my shins. Willa against my back.

Total Dog Mom Therapy.

We napped for almost 2 hours. I woke up refreshed.

After I gave the kids their morning snack, I sat at my DIY Dog Mom Project Workshop table for about an hour. Looked out the window. No laptop or Chromebook. No phone. Unplugged.

It was around 9:30.

In inhaled slowly and exhaled even slower. All the while being exceptionally grateful that I was feeling better enough to do that.

That's when I asked myself the big question.

"Why did I have a meltdown at 4:30 in the morning?"

I thought about a lot of things.

When Lisa called after lunch, she suggested I make a list and we'd talk about it over dinner.

She got home around 7. We sat at the kitchen table. With my lengthy list. Ate dinner. Talked for over an hour.

Much needed.

Between taking the time to reflect earlier today and our in-depth conversation, I feel a lot better. Refreshed. Lighter.

Lisa suggested we do this during the week instead of playing Yahtzee while eating dinner.

I couldn't agree more.

It's tough for us during the week because we barely see each other.

We need that time at the end of the day to connect. Whether we talk about our day, what's happening in the world, or what's stressing us out, those conversations need to happen. They're important.

On the weekends, we are around each other all day and night so we're always having conversations about this or that.

During the week...meh.

We slack.

I think we both learned our lesson from that.

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