Monday, June 10, 2019

10 Qualities About Myself That May Hinder Or Destroy Our Friendship

Many moons ago, I attended an online training seminar that lasted for almost a week. The topics at hand were customer service, generating conversation, being part of the conversations, marketing, and how to deal with the various personality traits across the board. The seminar began with a simple question. Standing in the shoes of another, could you be friends with yourself? Of course, the response was quick. Yeah. Sure. Absolutely. We were asked to write down the 10 reasons why we said yes. When everyone was finished, we were asked another question. But, this time around, it wasn't as simple. 

"What are 10 qualities about yourself that others may find difficult to deal with? These are qualities that would probably hinder a friendship from going forth. Or, maybe these are qualities that have demolished an existing friendship."


I vividly remember what I wrote down because to this day, my list is fairly similar...

1. My candid tongue. I do not sugarcoat much. I'm "brutally" honest. Over the years, I have honed up on my tact and how I present things. However, some people think I'm rude or a complete asshole. 

I want to make something clear. I do not criticize others in public or in front of anyone or make anyone the brunt of a joke. I am not a bully. In fact, I have no tolerance for bullies. Our home is a judgment and a bully-free zone. However, I'm that friend who if you ask if a dress makes you look fat and it does, I'm going to say, "This dress does nothing for your gorgeous figure."

2. I am not a fan of casual conversation. I'm fascinated by the weather. I should have been a meteorologist. But. I don't want to talk about the weather all night. I also have no interest in incessant conversations about work, diets, workouts, the stats on your Fitbit, etc. Instead, I want to know what inspires you, the highs and lows of your day, what makes you laugh and cry, your deep thoughts about what's happening in the world, what's your favorite comfort food and why. etc.

3. I have a dry and warped sense of humor. I still laugh when the ketchup bottle farts. Or, when one of our neighborhood tiptoes across the street after a back yard fire and it's late and she doesn't want to wake anyone up. I find humor in the daily stuff that can sometimes be awkward. 

4. I have expectations. I've lost count at how many inspirational quotes I have come across about not having expectations from others. That's bullshit. If we have you over for dinner 10 times, you best be inviting us over for dinner once in a while. If Lisa and I help you out time and time again whether it's on household projects or lending a helping hand, I don't want to have to hike 10 miles into the dark woods trying to find you when we need a favor. 

5. I have very little tolerance for weak parenting skills. How you choose to raise your kids is your business. What you allow or don't allow in your home is your business too. However. If your 6-year-old is running around our home and jumping on our furniture, do something about it. If your 18-year-old is mouthing off or disrespecting us or our guests, do something about it. Immediately. They're a reflection and extension of you. If you allow it, it speaks worlds about how you feel about us and our home.

6. I expect people to show up and be present. Put the phones and other tech devices away. If we invite you over to share food and drink and conversation, it's because we want to enjoy your company. Unless it's urgent or time-sensitive, there is no reason why you should be on your phone. 

7. I am a bit strict with manners. If you show up for a cookout empty-handed, don't make 12 take-home containers to take home unless I offer them to you. Don't make a mess and not clean it up. Don't allow your kids to throw soda cans and forks on the ground and leave them there for us to pick up. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie. Etc.

8. I'm not a part-time friend. Don't just reach out or come around when you need or want something. I'm not a doormat. 

9. I can be harsh. I raise my voice when I'm passionate about something. Sometimes, I let things fester and when I do vent when the glass has overflowed, I can be quite loud. As I get older, my tolerance for certain things has spiraled downward. Etc.

10. I'm picky about certain culinary things. I hate asking for the salt and pepper shaker because it's not on the table. Only offering margarine should be a heinous crime. I use more than 1 napkin. I don't like lukewarm food. Steak or burgers should never be cooked well done. Shredded cheese is not acceptable for nachos because we all know what happens when the cheese cools off. If you thaw store-bought bread dough, let it rise, and's not homemade. 

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