Monday, May 27, 2019

Tokens Of Love And Gratitude And Sifting Through My Mental Rolodex

I've been having a hard time as of late. I have felt stagnant. As if all this work I'm doing day after day after day isn't moving forth. I know where a lot of that stems from. Last year was supposed to be my year, but that didn't work out for a myriad of reasons. That's fine. Life happens. I set goals for this year. I have reached some, but not as many as I had wanted to by now. 

Right now, it feels as if I'm trudging through frozen molasses. Top that with menopause and Lisa working 12-14+ hours a day since March and a few other "distractions," it's been quite challenging.

The cherry on top of that proverbial sundae is the 2 elders I relied on for deep chats, blog feedback, sound and candid advice, and long distance companionship have passed away.

My dear friend Bill passed away last August. I met this incredible man over 10 years ago. Then, about 6 months later, this February, my friend, Sue, passed away. We had been friends for over 20 years. 

I miss the both of them so much for so many reasons. More than words could ever express.

Especially now.

I always looked forward to their emails and messages and replies. When I get frustrated or irritable with certain situations or I feel disconnected from the world , I get the urge to email or message them. But, they're not here anymore. 

On Friday, I put my foot down and said, "Enough is enough..." I wrote down the goals I wanted to reach within the next month or so. I straightened my crown. Put on my big girl panties. And, laced up my pink combat boots. 

Which, I don't actually own because I hate shoes. 

Then, I threw the rest out in the form of a prayer to the Universe. And I committed to having a fabulous 3-day weekend with Lisa and the kids. 

On Saturday, I got some work stuff done and finished the housework while Lisa ran a couple of errands and mowed the lawn. I know that doesn't sound like fun, but on the weekends we can do everything at our own pace. That's total bliss for us. 

Early Sunday morning, I baked homemade double chocolate cookies and cut up watermelon for the incredible people at Butts' Western Beef Bar-B-Que. They were set up in Woodstock which is not necessarily in our neck of the woods, but it's a nice drive. We grabbed a couple of their roast beef sandwiches for lunch and stopped at a few yard sales on the way home.

That evening, we joined some of our neighbors who have become family across the street for a back yard fire, outdoor games, cocktails, and snacks. We had a lot of fun.

It was another great day today. We got a couple of small projects done around our home and embraced the fine art of spontaneity We ended up having company for dinner and spent a few hours in the backyard playing games.

I'll talk more about that in tomorrow's blog.

Amid our phenomenal 3-day weekend, I'm fairly certain the Universe did a few tiny shimmy shakes. I was surprised with some unexpected tokens of love and gratitude from quite a few of our neighbor friends who have become family.

That included Lisa surprising me with a few goodies on Saturday. Diet Moxie. Fresh Cherries. Watermelon.

I am deeply grateful for these scrumptious and beautiful gifts.

They lifted my spirits.

After I tucked Lisa and the kids into bed tonight, I sat on the sofa and thought about all of the happenings over our 3-day weekend.

Much needed.

The mental fog has cleared. I'm no longer stagnant. I have some serious work to do to reach the goals I have set for the next month or so, but I'm confident.

I'm in "face forward, onward march" mode.

While I still miss Bill and Sue immensely and I always will, they taught me well over the past 2 decades with wise advice and lessons. They were not only my friends, they were my mentors too.

I'm thinking they're still watching over me.

One of the best ways I can honor both of their lives and the friendships we had is to reflect back on their wise teachings over the years. When I start feeling stagnant or disconnected and when I hit an obstacle or get frustrated with "distractions," I need to go through my mental Bill and Sue Rolodex.

I raise my glass to the both of them and to everyone who extended their kindness and time over the weekend.

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