Earlier today, I worked on some handmade gifts that we're giving as Christmas presents. That involved several hours of crocheting. I sat at the table with my big wicker basket of yarn. The kids were napping. No music. Very quiet. Those are the moments when my brain spins like a hamster wheel.
I started thinking about 2019.
This year has been quite the learning experience for Lisa and myself.
As with each year, we've made a lot of changes. There are more to come as the new year approaches.
Someone just recently asked me...
"If you could sum up 2018 in a single sentence, what would it be?"
For the first time in many, many years, I could not sum up an entire year in a single sentence.
But, what I was able to do is completely shift my perspective.
That's what I thought about today.
In the past, during this time of year, I think about what I will be doing come the new year. And, year after year, I tend to fall short in a lot of areas.
Why?
Because there are a lot of things that I need to stop doing before I can achieve my goals and head down the path of things that I will be doing and accomplishing.
This year, I'm not making any New Year's Resolutions. I don't need a list of things that I should be doing or need to accomplish.
Instead, I'm going to focus on what I will no longer be doing.
To name a few...
1. I won't fear what others think about this blog or what I write. Earlier this year, I had written a blog column that focused on why I retired from certain services. At the top of the list was Academic and Independent Living Tutoring. A few people read it and sent me and email or private message asking if they were the reason I retired. One of the women assumed the entire blog column was about her.
Nope. Neither was the case.
Prior to retiring, I had been tutoring Academic and Independent Living for a little over a decade. What I write about is a culmination of that decade. Although each client is unique, there are a lot of similarities with a multitude of situations.
That goes for anything that I publish on this blog.
2. I (we) won't put our meager free time on the back burner. Lisa and I have big hearts. We're always there to assist others when needed. That's not something we'll ever stop doing. However, in the past, we've given up a tremendous amount of our free time in the process. That's not something we have a lot of.
When that happens week after week after week, we get run down. We get sick. The things around our home that need to get done are pushed aside. Our To-Do List grows longer and longer and longer.
Moving forth, we're still going to assist others when needed, but we will be setting a limit. Like everyone else, we're human. We need rest. Time together as a family. Time to get stuff done around our home. Time to get caught up on stuff that we weren't able to get done during the week. And, those moments when we mute the rest of the world.
3. I won't write about any of the services I retired from and why. I've written blog column after blog column about this over the past year. I probably sound like a broken record. I've written all that I want to on those subjects and then some.
4. I (we) won't be hosting large gatherings in our home. This Halloween was the last party will be hosting in our home. We're done.
This year, we hosted 3 big parties. The parties were successful. We had a great time. Lots of memories were made. But. With each party, there were mishaps.
The first party we hosted was in May, I was very, very sick. It took every ounce of my being to go forth. The one in August, 10 people pulled a no call, no show. I was not a happy camper. Then, in October, our last, there was a lengthy list of issues.
Enough said.
In a nutshell, when hosting a large gathering, it involves the majority of 3 days. The prep the day before. The day of the event. And, cleanup and such the day after. Not only is it very time consuming, it's also expensive.
We're done.
This year, we're sticking to only having a couple of people over for dinner at a time. We love sharing scrumptious food and drinks with our favorite humans.
5. I won't be concerned with what people think about us, our family, our home, and our decisions. Lisa is 50. I'm 45. This year, we've let go of caring what others think about any of the above and then some.
If you don't like our home, don't come over.
If you don't like our opinion, stop asking what we think about this or that and don't ask us for "our honest opinion."
If you don't like being around furry kids, make your visit very short or don't come over at all.
If you have a problem with the fact that we consider ourselves real Moms, get over it. We. Are. Real. Moms.
If we're too simple for your taste, by all means hang out with your extravagant friends.
If you don't approve of our appearance, keep on walking.
The list goes on...
We don't need anyone's approval.
6. I (we) won't be wasting our time. Yes, this is a big category, but to simplify it a bit, life is short. We are going to live in the moment. Invest our time wisely. Not take time for granted. Not waste our time on people who have no respect for our time. Not waste our time on people who use busy as an excuse. Again, the list goes on.
7. I won't be the one to initiate all of the time. If I ask you over to share a light lunch and wine, coffee, tea, or other preferred beverage with me, it means that I like you. I'm willing to put a couple of hours aside to spend time with you.
Trust me, putting aside a couple of hours in the afternoon requires a lot of planning on my part.
When those invitations are met with excuse after excuse as to why you can't show up, I eventually get "the hint." Which means, I will no longer ask.
Your loss.
8. I (we) won't get involved with petty crap and drama. As the saying goes, "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
9. I (we) won't walk on eggshells. If something needs to be said, it's going to be said. I'm not going to waste my time trying to sugarcoat it for the "oversensitive" or deciding what type of powder to use for someone's ass because they can't handle what's being presented.
10. I won't sweat the small stuff. I'm not going to lose sleep if the dishes do not get done after dinner or if I didn't get a chance to dust. I do a lot of housework every day. Sometimes I can't get to it all. That is fine. It will be there the following day.
11. I won't apologize for stupid petty shit. For example, if someone comes over and there are dirty dishes in the sink or if it's before I do our daily vacuuming, I'm not going to apologize for "the mess." Our home isn't messy. It's clean. Lived in. Comfortable. Welcoming.
I also won't apologize for the time I spend on work stuff, my disheveled appearance most days, a cracked cheesecake, dog hair on the sofa or lounge chair, the number of throw blankets we have on the sofa, the number of chew bones and doggy toys on the floors in each room, our mismatched plates, the tiny pile of dirty laundry in the bathroom, etc.
12. I won't feel guilty for putting the world on mute. Sometimes, we put those proverbial "Do Not Disturb" signs on the door. Every once in a while, we need peace and quiet. Down time. A nap. Time to unwind and recover from stressful days or weeks. Date night. A few hours away from our home. Purposely leaving our phones in the other room.
Like everyone else, we're human. We need a break. I'm no longer going to feel guilty if that inconveniences someone.
13. I (we) won't stop spreading random acts of kindness. During the months of November and December, people are in full swing with spreading holiday love and cheer. As they say, 'Tis the Season! However, after the new year, things get back to "normal."
To back up a bit, Lisa and I do not exchange gifts with each other. We find it ridiculous to buy each other a small mountain of gifts just because it's Christmas and that's the thing to do. Instead, we surprise each other with just because gifts throughout the year.
We extend that same philosophy to spreading random acts of kindness. Even though we have spread a considerable amount of Bodacious Holiday Love and Cheer so far this month, it doesn't stop when the month is over.
Throughout the year, we spread random acts of kindness whether it's sending a small gift to a friend who is having a difficult time or paying for someone's coffee behind us at the drive-thru.
14. I won't fear success. I wrote about that here. I refuse to give into that fear any longer.
15. I won't allow myself to be distracted by every little thing outside of our home. That includes, but is not limited to, drama, gossip, worrying about what someone thinks because I'm delivering baked goods to one neighbor and not the other, and who we're having over for dinner.
16. I won't allow anyone to disrespect Lisa, our kids, myself, and our home. Too often in the past, people have made shady comments or remarks that have rubbed us the wrong way. Most haven't been invited back. Some have. This time around, do it once and you won't be invited back. Ever.
I'm sure this list will get a tad bit longer before 2019 rolls around.
What are some things you won't be doing in 2019?
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