I Was Lucky On Thursday And Today, But...

It's become a standing joke that I need to wrap almost every inch of my body in bubble wrap. Grace is not my middle name. I slip. I trip. I stumble. I walk into doors and walls. My talents even extend to tripping over air. Add 4 furry kids and their 212 toys scattered on the floors into the equation, well, you can only imagine. Most of the time, my "graceful" moments are minor. A bruise here and there. Sore muscles for a day or two. A scrape. I can immediately laugh them off, but not this time. Not yet anyway. Since Thursday, I have fallen twice. I wasn't laughing.

During our nightly routine on Thursday, Lisa took Willa outside. A few seconds after shutting the door, I began walking towards the kitchen. Barefoot. There was something wet on the floor where the living room ends and the kitchen begins.

I slipped. I tried grabbing onto the counter, but that was useless. The only thing that resulted from that was Lisa's phone crashing to the floor.

I fell. Hard. I twisted my foot and ankle. My hip caught the fall. Thankfully, my upper body landed on the large kitchen dog bed.

Tears fell. It hurt. I started to move my body slowly to determine if anything was broken. By the time Lisa was back inside with Willa, I was confident no bones were broken.

Lisa helped me up. She wanted to take me to the ER for x-rays, but I declined. I knew I'd be sore for a while.

In the days to follow, I iced my ankle and foot. It's a little painful to walk, but it hasn't stopped me from getting stuff done. I'm just doing everything a little slower. Lisa has been beyond helpful in assisting with housework and meal prep.

My second "graceful" moment for the week happened earlier today and it scared the crap out of me. Lisa was at a neighbor friends house to deliver some treats. I was walking towards the freezer to grab some ice. I had a glass in my hand. Willa ran under my feet.

For the most part, I've gotten used to Willa doing this. I no longer stumble when it happens, but today I did. I don't have good coordination because of my injured ankle and foot. I fell. The top of my hand was stabbed with a piece of broken glass.

There was blood. Lots of it. My wrapped hand is blocking the other puddles of blood. I've never seen so much blood pouring from my body. Ever.

I got up quick. Wrapped my hand. Grabbed the broom. Swept the glass. My first concern was the kids stepping on the glass. While sweeping and keeping the kids away I sent Lisa 3 texts. "Help. Help. 911."

I was still bleeding hard. The dish towel was soaked. When Lisa walked in, her eyes widened. I think the amount of blood on the floor and on the dish towel around my hand scared her too.

Lisa cleaned up the mess and double checked the floor for glass. She made sure none of the kids stepped in the glass.

They didn't.

I sat at the kitchen table shaking. Trying not to pass out.

Lisa cleaned the cut, put a piece of gauze on it and then wrapped it. Within a few minutes, blood had soaked through everything. Lisa ran to our neighbor friends house for some fabric suture strips. That was the last option before taking a trip to the ER.

The suture stips worked. Lisa wrapped my hand again. It hurt. Bad. My ankle, foot, and hip were screaming, but I didn't let that stop us from going upstairs to enjoy a scrumptious dinner that Kim made for us.

After I tucked Lisa and most of the kids into bed, I sat on the sofa. Willa curled up beside of me. She knew Mommy was hurting. She refused to leave my side.

My hand is throbbing from typing all of this. I've gone through a myriad of emotions tonight. Relief. Fear. Embarrassment. Frustration. But, most of all, acceptance.

For over a decade I've lived with chronic pain because I made a horribly bad decision when I was 29. I was in a 2-year relationship with someone who had a heavy hand. None of the dozens of injuries sustained, both minor and severe, were ever medically treated. I wasn't allowed to go to the hospital. That would have been too risky for the person I was in a relationship with.

When you have head injuries and fractures and sprains and other injuries that go untreated, it results in chronic pain down the road.

That "down the road" has been the last decade. It gets worse every year. The last 5 years have been the most excruciating. 

I'm going to be 45 this year. I've never allowed my chronic pain to interfere with my work and family life and everything between. I don't rely on prescription drugs for the pain. I will continue down that path.

However...

I need to be more careful.

I need to slow down a bit when I'm walking in the kitchen. Be more aware of my surroundings. Look down at the floor when I'm walking especially the kitchen floor.

I need to accept that I have limitations. Yes, I can challenge those, but not carelessly.

I need to take the time to stretch in the morning and when I've been sitting or standing for long periods of time.

I need to rest my body once in a while. Allow it to heal when I've taken a fall.

I need to take losing weight more seriously because I'm certain the extra pounds isn't helping with the chronic pain.

I need to exercise more and strengthen my muscles.

I need to take better care of myself.

I'm a Mom and Wife. I have a family to take care of. They depend on me for a lot.

I was lucky on Thursday and today. No broken bones. No serious injuries. No trips to the ER.

Next time, I may not be so lucky.