Saturday, November 18, 2017

It Wasn't Energy That Fueled My Fire Today...

I posted this photo on my personal Facebook wall shortly before Lisa arrived back home from running errands. It was around 5 p.m. It had been a busy day. In addition to house/pet sitting for our neighbor friends, we got a lot accomplished. Lisa sanded half of the ornaments. I got them all painted. Housework. Lisa tackled almost 3 hours of yard work. More housework. I cleaned the refrigerator. Organized the cupboards. Laundry. I wrote a couple of blog columns. Lisa ran errands and did our weekly grocery shopping along with picking up everything needed for our Thanksgiving dinner. Once the groceries were put away, I made dinner. Leftover homemade mac-n-cheese and fresh chicken tenders. We didn't sit down to eat until 6:30 p.m.

A sweet woman replied to the photo I posted...

Omg, it seems like you get more done in half a day than I get done in a week! I wish I had your energy!

I started to write a response, but I paused after a few sentences. What I had to say was more suited for a blog column. It wasn't something I could fit into a nutshell.

Today, energy had very little to do with getting so much accomplished.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but not in the sense that something earth-shattering has happened. It's more along the lines of a little something here. A little something there. This thing. That thing. Over the past couple of weeks, it has accumulated. It has left me feeling worn out, a bit used, knocked down, disappointed, let down, frustrated, and a little upset.

On Thursday, and with a little help from PMS, I had a rather loud vent session with Lisa. I didn't feel any better. Everything continued to weigh heavy on my brain.

I did my best to shake it off on Friday, but I threw a few more things on top of my pile of bullshit. I worked around the pile. Ignored it the best I could. Kind of like that pile of dirty laundry. You know it needs to be washed, dried, and folded, but you don't want to deal with it at that very second.

After tucking Lisa into bed that night, I sat on the sofa with no distractions. I thought long and hard about the pile. It was a bunch of crap. A lot of that crap left a heavy dose of residual negativity. Hard feelings. Hurt. Frustration. Etc.

An hour went by. I knew what I had to do. It's what I always do. I put all of the negativity in a bucket. It becomes my reserves. It fuels me. Motivates me. It fires up my determination to do whatever it is that needs to be done. Work stuff. Housework. DIY Dog Mom Projects. Blog columns. Conquer my To-Do list.

When I woke up this morning, that's what fueled my fire for about 10 hours. Realistically, I was exhausted. I didn't sleep well. The muscles on one side of my back are spasming. Very. Painful. However, I kept busy. Lisa and I got a lot of stuff accomplished. I was seriously impressed at the end of the day.

Lisa went to bed rather early for a Saturday night. Once again, I sat on the sofa for about an hour. I reflected on the past couple of weeks. More so, the past week. I felt more at ease.

I gained a tremendous amount of perspective...

1. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

2. Not everything requires my attention, efforts, or concern.

3. I have to keep reminding myself that some people were just raised differently.

4. Everyone appreciates and admires my candidness until I'm candid with them. That's when I'm usually deemed an asshole.

5. I'm responsible for what I say. How people react to that or what they understand or fail to understand is not my problem.

6. I am human.

7. I am worthy of the same love, concern, and efforts I put forth for others.

8. I'm proud to be "old-fashioned." I was raised to have manners, respect my elders, work hard, have a stellar work ethic, help others, contribute to the household, etc. I have no shame in that.

9. My "busy" is just as valid and important as other people's "busy."

10. The only perfect thing about me is my imperfections. I have bad days too. I occasionally have bad PMS months. I'm pre-menopausal. I go on rants and say shitty things. Some of those things I have to apologize for the morning after. Again, I'm human.

Face forward. Onward march.

And, I'm determined to make my homemade stuffed mushrooms tomorrow because I'm craving them.

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