Monday, May 23, 2016

I Wanted To Tell Them That In Person, But It Never Happened

Over the years, Lisa and I have bent over backwards and extended our kind deeds to quite a few...both friends and family. We do it out of the kindness of our hearts. We expect nothing in return. Over these mentioned years, we've been burnt and thrown under the bus. Lessons learned. Although we've distanced ourselves from quite a few, severed some ties and have become more guarded over the years, that hasn't deterred us from spreading kindness and such. However, make no mistake, the hearts we wear on our sleeves have boundaries. Today, we stood firm on "that line."

In other words, today really sucked, threw me for a loop and completely pinged my nerves.

Back in February, a woman reached out to me about wedding cupcakes. Did I know of anyone who made them?  I replied back and volunteered. My lighthearted approach was, "All you had to do was ask..."

I've known this woman for a couple of years. I barely know her fiance. We don't hang out with the two of them and we're not in their circle of friends. However, they do great stuff and have always been cordial to us.

And, Lisa and I know all to well what it's like to plan a wedding on a budget.

After a few exchanges, an offer was made. I was upfront. I have 30 years of baking experience, but I don't make fancy cupcakes with all the bells and whistles.

I'm old school. Keep it simple. Keep it delicious. Use real butter. Don't skimp. Screw the fancy decorations, fondant, and edible beads.

Done deal. I was super excited to do this for them. My calendar was marked. Their love story had me in awe, it was similar to the one Lisa and I share and I wanted to do this.

Really, really wanted to do this for them. I was excited to do this for them.

In the weeks ahead, and after more correspondence, I realized two things. The first, I wanted to meet with them personally to reconnect and talk about what they truly wanted for their wedding in terms of cupcakes, flavors, and their mini wedding cake. The second, I wanted to present a few sample cupcakes and frosting shots for them to try. The point behind that was so they could get an idea of how much a flavor infused buttercream frosting, versus plain buttercream, could round off an entire cupcake experience.

I extended an invitation to the both of them. You and you. Us. I'll bake a few samples, whip up some buttercream frosting, and we'll go over the details. We set a date and time for May 28th. I was looking forward to this.

We also received an invitation to their wedding. 

Yesterday, I reached out to them to confirm the date. I was in the process of tentatively planning my schedule for the week and would have to block out some time on Friday to bake and Saturday to make the buttercream frosting and their visit.

That's when it happened.

In their reply, they mentioned that a few friends would be joining them.

Wait. What.

I asked how many and who.

They let me know.

At this point, I had to walk away from my desk. I paced. Sat outside for a bit. Lisa knew something was wrong. When I told her, she exhaled. We talked about it.

A few years ago, before going through everything Lisa and I have with former friends and a handful of family members, I would have put on a front and been okay with their reply.

But. I wasn't okay with it. Not in the least bit.

Out of the friends they invited, we didn't know anyone except one. That one person happened to be someone we don't want in our home.

I replied back, several hours later, and explained the invitation was for the two of them only and why. Early this morning, I received a reply back. It was suggested that we could deliver the sample cupcakes to one of their friend's houses close by. Or, they could pick up the samples at our home. They wanted the wedding party's input on my cupcakes.

I didn't reply back right away. I couldn't. I was pissed. I was a little heartbroken. I was a little shot down.

Total what-the-Big-F-moment.

This evening, about 12 hours after their last reply, I sent a lengthy response. I let them know how I felt about them turning a personal invitation into a wedding-party-cupcake-sampling gala. When someone invites you to their home, you don't take it upon yourself to extend the invitation to your friends without consent.

Who does that?

I also let them know that apparently my intentions were misunderstood and, after much thought, I felt it best they find someone else to make their wedding cupcakes. I was not going to allow anyone to disrespect me, my wife, my family and our home. And, I was certainly not going to spend the money or take the time to do something nice for people who had no regard to any of the above.

They have 2 months before their wedding. I made a couple of suggestions of who they could reach out to.

What I didn't mention, in my reply earlier today, was that our wedding gift to them was...cupcakes. We were going to supply the wedding cupcakes, all 200 hundred of them, plus a wedding cake,  free of charge. It was our wedding gift. From us. To them.

This was something I wanted to tell them in person.

Sadly, that never happened.

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