Saturday, April 11, 2020

We Need To Learn How To Simply Just Live...

Lisa and I enjoyed our early morning coffee on the back porch. The weather was fairly mild. The blooming bushes and fruit trees are flowering. The grass is turning greener. There was lots of activity on our buffet o' bird feeders. To anyone on the outside looking in, it would have appeared to be a picturesque morning. But, it wasn't.

Because outside of our beautiful and cozy back porch, so much shit has happened and is happening. And, we haven't given ourselves a moment to sit with it. Talk about it. Dust ourselves off. Move forward with establishing a sense of normalcy. 

I use the word normalcy for a lack of a better word.

In order for this to make sense, I need to back up more than a bit.

Right around this time last year, we began to notice a lot of changes. Not within our home, but within the house.

We rented an apartment in a 2 family home.

Long story short, a considerable amount of stuff was being overlooked whether it was how we were being treated right down to attentiveness to various household issues.

Enough about that.

In November, within a single week, we addressed a few issues. Twice. On both occasions, Lisa and I realized nothing was going to change. More so, we realized why it wasn't going to change.

That led to a lot of discussions between Lisa and me.

And eventually, those discussions led to us making some hardcore decisions and a plan of action. Those decisions and actions were in the best interest of our family and our well being and safety.

In short...

Get through the holiday season.

Do not confront further issues because they were only met with blind eyes and deaf ears.

Once the holiday season was done and over with...

Do it. Do it. Do it.

And, we did.

In the first week of January, we got approved for a house loan.

After spending hours searching for homes online, we narrowed it down and went on some tours.

On January 12th, we found the perfect home for our family.

We made an offer in the morning.

That evening, the sellers accepted.

We began the tedious task of packing and giving notices and planning the new chapter in our lives.

On February 19th, we closed on our new house. Our new home.

On February 22nd, we officially moved into our new house. Our new home.

The following week, I began the process of unpacking.

The week after that, Lisa was on vacation.

We spent that entire week unpacking and decorating and making this house into our home.

Right around that time, the COVID-19 became a reality. A really big, HUGE reality. It was here. In Connecticut.

Life changed for pretty much everyone.

Even us.

When Lisa returned to work after her vacation, she was working 12+ hour days and on Saturdays. She's an essential employee. The struggle to keep store shelves stocked was real.

So was the fear.

Store shelves were emptying. It was impossible to find toilet paper, yeast, pasta, etc. Making a grocery list was hit or miss.

My Mom and Lisa's parents sent us toilet paper and yeast.

Amid all of this, even though Lisa had gotten her huge woodshop set up downstairs and my DIY Dog Mom Project Workshop was ready to rev up, we weren't able to obtain supplies. In addition, countless people were out of work. Making deliveries and shipping became an issue.

I also realized that as a spouse of an essential employee, I needed to keep myself quarantined because I am high risk.

Lisa, being an essential employee, also has to keep that in mind as well. Aside from grocery shopping every other week and running the very occasional errand, it's work and home for her.

Then, on top of all of this, we've had to deal with some residual shit from our old neighborhood. Stuff has gotten back to us in one way or another. It's been in the form of hearing stuff through the grapevine, bits o' news, and complete silence.

We're not stupid.

We also don't care.

Sure, it was a little heartbreaking to know that people who we gave our hearts and souls and time and efforts to were speaking ill of us. Friends chose not to defend us. Friends choosing the path of keeping the peace over speaking out and ignoring the obvious.

Since our move, we've also learned that the appreciation for our existence rested more on what we did and provided than unconditional.


We're kind of over that. We knew this was going on and was going to happen long ago.

So, here we are. On the back porch. With our steaming cups of coffee.

Lisa and I talked. In the raw.

The conclusion...?

Nothing has been "normal" over the past year.

Especially since that single week in November.

Here we are.

In OUR house. OUR home.

Despite the chaos of the COVID-19, we are determined to maintain a sense of normalcy. Lisa's Bodacious Woodshop will come to life. My DIY Dog Mom Project Workshop will come to life. Our home office will be equipped with everything needed so I can do everything I haven't been able to do because of the former issues at our old home.

We will be working on our many yards.

We will be continuing with home improvement projects.

We will continue to help others who are in need.

We will continue to ignore the drama.

At the end of the conversation, we both had an epiphany.

For the longest time, we revolved our lives around other people that included everything from Lisa scheduling vacations to us using up what little free time we had.

We got used to being a doormat. Being disrespected. Being verbally assaulted. Being manipulated. Being unappreciated. Being appreciated only because we served a purpose. Being misled.

Now, we need to learn how to simply just live. For us. Our family.

To step back.

To embrace the very few who are still with us and defend us.

To enjoy the new faces who appreciate us simply because we exist and they like us.

One step at a time.

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