Thursday, January 2, 2020

A Difficult Conversation With One Of My Elders, But Much Needed

Last week I had a conversation with an elder. I have known her my entire life. I'll be honest, it took a great deal of courage to have this conversation with her, but it was time. Probably long overdue. She's much older than I am. Wiser. Experienced in various fields. And, I know firsthand that despite our close relationship, she will respond with an honest tongue. That includes letting me know when Lisa and I should have handled things differently.

That. She. Did. 

She listened. I listened. She let me know that the situation I was discussing should not have gone this far. We should have spoken up and out sooner. I shed a few tears.

She was right.

One of the things she said to me throughout this particular conversation was that Lisa and I are too forgiving. Too willing to give. Too kind. And, at the end of the day, that jades us from seeing those infamous red flags.

Again, she was right.

I cried because she was so right. Throughout my life, she has seen me struggle with giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving people more chances than they deserve.

She has seen me hit rock bottom because of that.

She knows how many times I ignored her warnings and ended up crashing in the depths of despair.

She is almost 70.

She has also had her fair share of trials and tribulations and challenges and despair.

She allowed me to cry and rant and vent.

Then, she got firm.

She didn't tell me what Lisa and I needed to do.

She directed us.

Offered assistance and support.

I remember back in 2010 and 2011, Lisa and I both conquered challenges and swung hard at those curve balls that other people were continually determined to throw at us.

We made it.

We will continue to do that again.

One of the many things I have learned over the years is to embrace what our elders have to say. They are older and wiser. More experienced.

Sure, times have changed, but the fundamentals have not.

Work hard.

Be kind.

Stay determined and motivated.

Be open to change.

Speak up and out.

Stand your ground.

Embrace those rites of passages whether big or small.

Tighten your circle.

Focus on the walk, not the talk.

Accept less apologies because words are just words.

Changed behavior is the best apology.

Do not allow anyone to yell or swear at you or disrespect you regardless of who they are.

Take things day by day.

At the end of the conversation, I exhaled.

Face forward.

Onward march.

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