Sunday, December 8, 2019

For My Birthday, I Felt Loved And Appreciated. But. I Also Learned A Few Things.

Today is my birthday. I'm sitting on the sofa with Willa. I tucked Lisa and our other kids into bed about an hour ago. I'm a little tired, but not enough to call it a night. I'm still savoring the festivities of the day amid getting some work done in the Bodacious DIY Dog Mom Project Workshop and organizing my obnoxious amount of sticky notes for the next 2 weeks. 

Because the next 2 weeks are going to be beyond crazy busy.

Right now, I'm not thinking about that. 

I'm thinking about the past few days. 

I have been slightly emotional. Tears. Feeling a bit used. Disgusted. Kicking myself in the ass proverbially several times. 

During a couple of tearful moments, Lisa has sat with me. Listening to me vent. She gets it. She knows why. She feels the same way I do, but we handle things differently.

That's a story for a rainy day. Not how we handle things differently, but the situations that have led up to why we're feeling the way we are. 

As I have mentioned before, I'm not going into details now. 

What I will say is that these situations have happened because of several things...

We decided enough was enough.

We put our foot down.

Spoke up. 

Many, many times. 

Our voices extended to the person who has continuously allowed this to go on time and time again. 

We also decided to not give a shit about the opinions of others when it came to opening our door on Thanksgiving to those who had no place to go or who had fallen on hard times.

I spoke up and out about that too.

Like with most things, when you put your foot down and speak up and out, there are unnecessary repercussions. 

With that being said, I knew my birthday would be a lot different than last year.

I wanted to white knuckle the strength which gives me the attitude and ability to portray that it doesn't bother me. 

For the most part, I displayed my best poker face.

But, behind closed doors, it really hurt. And, those are the tearful moments that Lisa sat through while I vented.

So no, my birthday was not the same or celebrated as it was last year by some.

I also did not get my Work at Home Dog Mom Bonus. Not even a smidgen. 

And, the time and effort we put into certain people's birthdays over the past year was not reciprocated. 

SO be it...

But, here is what did happen. 

Lisa spoiled me all week with a lot of my favorite treats including Taylor Brooke wine and chocolate covered cherries. 

I used my birthday money to buy lobsters for Lisa, our kids, and myself to enjoy yesterday. They were on sale. 

Lisa and our kids surprised me with a professional camera that I only dreamed of owning. 

Our dear neighbor friends who have become family made a scrumptious birthday dinner and cake for me earlier this evening. We sat around the table and ate, talked, laughed, and enjoyed a few adult beverages.

We have plans with a couple of other neighbor friends who have become family to celebrate my birthday.

Lisa has this coming week off. 

I received many, many birthday wishes from my Facebook family and friends. 

I also received a few birthday cards in the mail.

And texts.

We have lots and lots and lots of Holiday Love and Cheer that we'll be spreading over the next couple of weeks. 

So. Much. Of. It. 

I'm sitting here. On the sofa. Covered with one of my favorite throw blankets. Willa is curled up behind my knees. Sound asleep. 

I can hear Lisa snoring.

I know that our other 3 kids are snuggled to her close. Covered in their favorite blankets.

I also know that this may come off as a bit Hallmark-ish, but I don't care.

I am feeling loved and appreciated and exceptionally grateful.

The people in my life who truly matter made an effort to celebrate my life.

I am beyond thankful.

It wasn't about the gifts or cards.

What mattered the most was the time and effort and love.

And, the lessons I have learned over the past few days.

Those lessons will shape how the new decade of our lives begin.

For now, I'm going to embrace all that is.

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