Thursday, May 9, 2019

I Have Apologized. But, Probably Way Too Many Times Than I Should Have. Because.

I am sitting on the sofa. Writing this. In pain. My back hurts. My hip hurts. My chronic pain is blowing through the roof. Toward the end of the day, I had to take one stair at a time while heading down to the basement to do laundry. And, back upstairs. However. The accomplishment and success and pride that I'm feeling right now far trumps the pain. This is one of the many moments I give thanks to my parents, my in-laws, and our elders for instilling everything they did while we were growing up. And...

It is one of those moments when I find myself reflecting back on the many reasons I retired from Academic and Independent Living Tutoring.

More so, Independent Living Tutoring.

To back up a bit, Lisa has been working 10-12+ hours a day for many weeks. That has meant an adjustment with my schedule.

You can read about that here.

In no way, shape, or form am I putting myself on that high horse.

Lisa and I work together. We make a great team. We understand that sense of balance. It's never 50/50.


Over the past couple of years, when the cold flu virus has hit our household hard and I've been knocked on my ass, Lisa has come home and taken care of everything and made dinner.

Lisa has always come home and dived right into what needs to be done and spent lots of time with our kids.

We have a deep respect for each other's work. 

On the other end of the stick, when Lisa was diagnosed with Lyme Disease twice and had mono on top of that, I took over immediately.

That's just what we do.


So, for the past month or so, when Lisa has been working extended hours, I've taken care of everything here at home.

At the end of the day, she's exhausted. So am I.

I'm not going to lie. We've had our moments of snippiness, but we always end the day with a kiss and a high five.

Back to the here and now...

This week did not begin on a great note.

You can read about that here

And, there have been some underlying issues and disturbances to contribute to that.

But, I promised Lisa that by the time she got home on Friday, everything would be done.


That included washing every single blanket in our home.

Sheets. Blankets. Throw blankets. Comforters. Clothes. Towels. Quilts.

I worked a 10 hour day today.

In addition, aside from taking care of our kids, I did 10 loads of laundry. Bleached the bathroom from top to bottom. Steam cleaned the living room carpet. Dusted. Swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Did several loads of dishes. Vacuumed. Tackled the last of our Spring Cleaning, our bedroom. Watered all of the indoor and outdoor plants. And, tackled a few items on my Bodacious Work at Home Dog Mom To-Do List.

When Lisa arrived home from work, I could barely walk.

Lisa immediately took notice.

"I'm making dinner tonight."

Which, meant takeout. A splurge we do not often gravitate towards.

I didn't put up a fight.

We ate dinner at the kitchen table while playing Yahtzee.

"Thank you for doing everything you did today. I appreciate it more than you know. Tomorrow is Friday. I'm looking forward to our Mother's Day Weekend."

My reflection began earlier in the day, but during dinner and when I tucked Lisa and the kids into bed and continued to work...

That's when my reflection became hardcore.

My parents were hard workers.

My Mom was a Work at Home Mom too. In addition to working at home and going to college and such, she did housework and made sure dinner was on the table at a certain time.

My Dad worked a full time job plus he was an entrepreneur of several side businesses.

Lisa's parents worked hard and homesteaded and made sure their kids were provided for and did not go without. Their job was around the clock. Despite work schedules and what needed to be done on the home front, they did it.

Both Lisa and myself have been working since we were 14. That was on top of going to school and doing chores 7 days a week to contribute to the household.

At age 18 and 19 Lisa worked 2 full time jobs. I was working a full time job and going to college for an accelerated degree in machine and tool technology.

All of that sets the stage to where we are now...

Over the past year, I have apologized immensely to certain people about how I have presented my thoughts and initial reactions to certain things. After all, I am menopausal. I'm 45. I have lived. I have learned. I have become wiser. We both have. On many levels.

Often times, I am extremely hormonal. I do not always present stuff appropriately. As I should. I have been harsh. Right to the point. I do not beat around the bush. I do not sugarcoat stuff. I refuse to walk on eggshells any longer.

In response, whether written or "actions speak louder than words," there have been retributions. I, and we, are still dealing with that.

I have apologized. Owned it. Taken responsibility for the times when I was harsh.


Today has taught me another lesson. I became a little more wiser.

If I can work a 10 hour day and accomplish everything else that I set out to do like laundry, housework, and everything between...

There is no excuse for anything less.


In other words...

I'm just going to leave it at that.



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