Monday, May 7, 2018

Rest And Recovery Day One - Think. Think. Think. Think.

It's mid-afternoon. I'm on the sofa working on social media stuff and writing this blog column. Most of the kids are on the sofa with me. I'm still pretty sick. I have no energy. Walking from the living room to the bathroom is challenging. I've been dozing on and off. My body from the waist up hurts from coughing. I put up a bit of a fight yesterday when Lisa told me, "You're not painting Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday because you need to rest." But, I know she's right.

I'm fairly certain at this point, I wouldn't have the energy to open a can of paint.

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little pissed and frustrated that I'm this sick. Most of the time when I'm sick, with the exception of having a fever, I can function at full speed. I have to be really sick for a total knock out.

I'm at the point of total knock out.

I realize I'm human. I'm not immune to getting sick. What I'm most pissed and frustrated with is the timing. We've been planning Our Big Bodacious Painting Project for weeks now. A few weeks ago, I made the decision to start the week before Lisa's vacation. I wanted to get most of the painting done so she could enjoy the second half of her vacation week.

Obviously, I'm going to lose a few days of painting because of I'm this sick. Lisa knows I'm not happy about this.

"It's not your fault that you're sick. It is what it is. I don't care if I have to spend my entire vacation painting. What's important to me is that you get better. I don't want you landing yourself in the hospital. A lot of people have. It's been a severe flu season. People have died from it."

I could hear the concern in Lisa's voice. She's not an emotional person, but her voice got a little shaky towards the end. That's when I backed down. I would respect her wishes.

So, here I am. Monday. The first day of a three day rest period. I'm not allowed to do housework, any type of strenuous work, and I can either work at my desk or from the sofa. I'm also not to concern myself with meal prep for the kids or us. Lisa is going to take care of that when she gets home from work.

"I'm not a great cook like you, but you and I can live off fresh grinders, salad, and chicken patty sandwiches for a few days."

I raised my bottle of VitaWater.

"We sure can. The kids will be eating better than we do, but I don't care. I can't taste much anyway. Food is food. You always make me proud."

In backing down and respecting Lisa's wishes, I knew I had to let go of the frustration and feeling pissed off because I'm this sick. If I allowed myself to linger in all of that, I would drive myself crazy over the next few days.

I decided to view this entire mess in a different light. Instead of being pissy the entire time and focusing on what I'm not able to do, I'm going to take this opportunity and do some serious thinking.

To better explain this, the past few months have been total chaos for so many reasons. A lot has happened. Quite a few things haven't happened. Things have been said. I've observed a copious amount of stuff that can easily fall into the bucket of "things that make you go hmmm..."  I've struggled with various situations. I have created too many distractions. I have let things slide. I have bitten my tongue more times than I care to admit. The list goes on.

In one way or another, it has made an impact and affected us. Not in a destructive way, but in a sense of being that sharp elbow in the side nudging us. As if to say, "What are you doing? Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting your time? You've been down this road before. Wake up!"

I know this. It's been building and building and building. But, prior to getting sick, I was too busy to think about it for any length of time.

Or, more honestly, maybe I didn't want to think about it. Because, if I thought about it for too long, it would be too much of a reality check for me.

Lisa said something on Sunday that sort of stuck with me.

"Maybe this is the Universe's way of slowing you down a bit because you need this time to think, refocus, and put a lot of stuff into perspective and/or lay them to rest. I don't like how others have been making you feel as of late. We've been through this before. I kept quiet the last few years, but I've had it this time around..."

I think know Lisa is right.

She is so much like her Dad. He's a strong man. A hardworking man. A provider for his family. An honorable man. He doesn't say too much up front. He observes a lot. Takes it all in. When he stands up, puts his foot down, and speaks, people listen. They don't dispute.

Lisa is also much like her Mom. A strong woman who raised her kids to be respectful, hard-working adults who are capable of persevering through any hardship. A kind and compassionate woman who is there when you wake up from surgery rubbing your forehead, but she won't let you feel sorry for yourself.

Lisa has spoken.

I have listened.

I'm taking the next few days to rest. Reflect. Think. Write. To ask myself the tough questions. View the past few months in its entirety. Where I went wrong. Where they went wrong. Where I need to repaint the boundaries and stand my ground.


*sips VitaWater*

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