Sunday, January 1, 2017

8 Reasons Why I Try To Avoid The General Public This Time Of Year

Happy New Year! Happy 2017! Last night, we took a little time off to celebrate. Today, my voice is raspy and my tummy is sore. I can attribute that to the several hours of laughing last night compliments of some of our favorite humans, a board game, Bill Burr, and a few adult beverages.

Laughter is the best medicine. We need more of that this year. So, definitely going to strive for a girl's night once a month complete with scrumptious appetizers, drinks, board games, and stand up comedy.

Now it's time to brace myself. A bigger work load. Tightening the reigns on my schedule. Better time management. Putting my foot down. And, having to deal with the general public during the tumultuous post-holiday madness.

It's already begun. 

There are a few things that happen after the first of the year and it usually lasts anywhere between 1-3 months.

1. People are cranky, impatient, and they hate the world.  A good portion of the population is suffering from withdrawal symptoms because of their New Year's Resolutions to give up certain vices. Sugar. Carbs. Fat. Nicotine. Alcohol. Meat. Gluten. Another hefty portion is trying to figure out how they're going to recover from the amount of debt accrued over the holiday season because of their obsession with the amount of presents under the Christmas tree. While I applaud those who have committed themselves to adhering to a better lifestyle and sympathize with the people who got sucked into the vicious spend-money-you-don't-have Christmas trap, that doesn't give you a red carpet to spread your attitude of disdain onto those around you.

2. Incessant treadmill and detox shake photos. Seriously? Is it necessary to post 214 Look-At-Me-Drinking-An-Overpriced-Detox-Shake selfies? Unless you're falling off a treadmill or attempting to use an elliptical after too much wine, I'm not interested.

3. New Year, New Me. I'm so over the New Year's Resolutions and I have been for many years. Sure, I have a few goals. One of 'em involves focusing on the journey as much as the destination. I've also got a list of stuff I won't be doing in 2017. At no point will I say, or be in the mind frame of, "New Year. New Me." When the ball dropped and 2016 transitioned into 2017, I was still the same, awkward, sarcastic, foul-mouthed delight that I've always been. That's not going to change.

4. The novelty of the Christmas puppy wears off. Animals are not gifts. No animal should be given as a holiday gift. Ever.You know what usually happens? After a couple of months, the puppy gets bigger. The recipient, usually a young child, loses interest. Or, an allergy symptom or two surfaces. The excuses accumulate. The animal shelters fill up with "Christmas Gift" dogs and cats and guinea pigs and exotic birds.

5. I don't invite anyone over for dinner. From January 1st until March, we usually don't have anyone over for dinner. I'm unable to cater to the plethora of New Year's Resolution dietary restrictions. If you want a a gluten free, dairy free, fat free, vegan, raw, sugar free, whole food, Paleo meal or dessert ...well, here's a bowl of ice cubes. Enjoy.

6. The constant griping about the weather. Everyone is pro-snow during the month of December. Once January hits, there's post after post after post about how many days until Summer. The snow. The ice. The frigid temperatures. Here's the deal. Right now, it's winter. During the winter months, it's cold. There's snow and ice. The grass, leaves, and bushes are bare. That's just how it is. If you live in New England, there's a good chance you'll see a snowstorm in April.

7. Annoying, and often misleading, before and after photos. You know the ones I'm talking about. The independent consultants trying to lure you into buying their diet pills and detox shakes are notorious for posting these. More than likely, these before and after photos are simply just an illusion.

8. The Facebook cleanse. Do you really need to post a status that reads, "If you can read this, you've made the cut." Seriously? Where are you going with that?

It's time to hunker down, get to work, break out the new sewing machine, and avoid the general public for the next coupe of months.

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