Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Home Remedy 101: Tape & Grapes

Lisa and I veer towards unconventional in most areas of the spectrum. This includes "just because" gifts. While I love the occasional bouquet of seasonal flowers, especially tea roses, it's the unique and "so meeeeee" gifts that melt my heart. This would include paw print Duct Tape and a doggie wine glass she surprised me with not too long ago. A box o' wine wasn't too far behind to complete the "just because" gift.

Get your mind out of the gutter. There is no hidden motive behind this combination of wine and Duct Tape.

Lisa gets me. She knows I'm not impressed with big ticket items (my Chromebook is an exception). If she were to present me with a pricey piece of jewelry from a mass retailer, I'd question her mental status. And, I wouldn't shudder with delight. This is the reason why she occasionally comes home with simple gifts. Paw print Duct tape. A doggie wine glass. A box of fresh produce. A pair of earrings made by a local artisan friend. A pink stapler. A stack of funky note pads. My favorite pens. Herb goat cheese. Wine.

The list goes on.

I use and enjoy her thoughtful gifts. This time around, the paw print Duct Tape and doggie wine glass served an unintended and unexpected purpose...my Home Remedy 101: Tape & Grapes.

Yesterday, I had a wee bit of an accident. As mentioned, Grace is not my middle name. Most injuries I sustain are from not-so-graceful moments. Including yesterday's. I was whipping around the kitchen trying to do about 50 things at once. I slipped and banged my hand on the counter. Hard. I'm fairly certain I fractured my finger. It's swollen. Bruised. Hurts to bend or put pressure on.

I was in the middle of baking biscuit love. When I informed Lisa of my less-than-graceful moment, she suggested I go to the emergency room for an X-Ray. Mind you, this isn't my first finger injury. It won't be my last. I know the routine. They take an X-Ray. Evaluate. Put a splint on. Write a prescription for a pain killer. Suggest a followup in a few weeks. Send me on my way.

I don't have time for that shit.

I puffed out my chest. Grabbed my lady nuts. Growled. Taped my finger (the paw print Duct Tape was put on over the original tape after I took the photo). Poured a glass of wine in my new doggy wine glass. Problem solved. I went on with my day.

That's how I roll.

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