Thursday, August 6, 2015

10 Reasons Why You Probably Wouldn't Enjoy Dining With Us At Home

A few years ago, we had overnight company for the weekend. At the time, Coco was an only child. That Friday night I made a huge dinner including grilled chicken. Coco's favorite. While eating, he stood close to Lisa and I. Not sit. Coco's bum has never touched our linoleum floor.

We have yet to figure out why.

Lisa put a piece of chicken on her fork and gave it to Coco. She proceeded to eat her meal. Our guest didn't waste a single second.

"You let the dog eat off your fork?"

Lisa and I were caught off guard. The look on their face was of utter disgust. We let Coco (and all of our kids) eat off our fork or spoon. We share. We don't even think about it.

"Yes. We do. And just so we're on the same page, he's not "the dog." His name is Coco."

I poured more wine into my glass.

"That's gross. I won't use that fork now." 

Big sip of wine.

Snicker. If she only knew.

I'm aware not everyone likes the idea of "a dog" eating off a fork. Maybe it's time we come clean. Lay everything on the table. That way, if you're ever invited over to our house for drinks and dinner, there won't be any surprises.

1. Utensils. Utensils. Utensils. More than likely, every fork and spoon in the kitchen have been used by us and the kids. On occasion, they've licked serving spoons. So have I.

2. The plates and bowls are not off limits either. The kids have enjoyed many holiday meals and special treats on plates. They've eaten ice cream from bowls. If our meal is completely pup-friendly, we'll leave tiny bits of food on our plate, put the plates on the floor and let the kids clean 'em. They love it. I have been known to lick my plate on occasion too.

3. Our kids are glued to our sides when we have food. Whether we're at the table, sitting on the sofa or at our desks. We don't expect them to be in the other room when we eat. They sit quietly and stare. Well behaved lil' beggars.  This doesn't bother us. We share...even if we're sitting at the table.

4. The kids get a nibble or two. While most of the foods I make are pup friendly, on occasion, I'll whip up a dish that's not. I will let you know when it's time to eat.

5. All 3 of our kids have sat on the kitchen table. And, they like to sit on the chairs too when we eat. They take turns. We don't tell them to get down.

6. On occasion, one, or both, of us will sit on the floor to eat. Too often, our kids "look up" at us. We're tall. They're short. It's nice to be at their level. On the floor. If that urge arises when we have company over, just go with it.

7. Our kids live here. You don't. I wouldn't force dinner etiquette on your human kids, criticize their lack of manners or act offended if they decided to give themselves a mashed potato facial. Extend that same courtesy to our kids.

8. Dinner prep. Plating up. Eating. When there's food involved, the kids will congregate in the kitchen. It's an obstacle course. Pay attention. Look down. If not, you'll probably trip and fall.

9. Don't bother lecturing us. We've heard it all. Lisa and I don't want to hear about germs and diseases. We're also fed up with the "dog etiquette" speeches. We don't care if your "dog" is trained to sit in the other room while you eat. Or, if your "dog" has never begged a day in its life. If you're going to make that the topic of dinner conversation, we'd prefer it if YOU sat in the other room while we enjoyed our food and drinks.

10. We'd appreciate it if you didn't assume our kitchen, plates, utensils, counter or table are dirty or contaminated. Lisa and I are both anal about housework...especially the kitchen. We take pride in that. At any given time, you could eat off our floor. Counters and table are disinfected daily. We'd do this regardless if we had kids or not. That's how we roll.

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