It has been almost 2 1/2 years since I retired from being an Academic and Independent Living Tutor Instructor. My reasons for retiring were under lock and key. When I made the decision to retire, my reasons were vague. They will continue to be vague because I do not call anyone out personally and I respect confidentiality. I also vowed to not talk about it again. However. I'm going to loosen up on a couple of those restrictions.
The first loosened restriction is letting you know what threw me over the edge and was the contributing factor to my retirement...
My last client.
The second loosened restriction is letting you know what threw me over the edge and was the contributing factor to my retirement...
Her mother.
At the end of the day, after several years of both Academic and Independent Living Tutoring for this student, there was no improvement because...
My client wasn't willing to follow through or put her foot down or do much of anything that would shift her daughter toward becoming a responsible, functioning, and mature adult.
Her daughter had no motivation or determination or discipline so she didn't give a shit because she knew her mother wasn't going to enforce anything.
I was done.
Done. Done. Done.
Since retiring, I've had multiple moments when I questioned my decision to retire. Did I retire because of a knee jerk reaction? Did I make the right decision? Did I give up too easily?
Etc...
In the months to follow, those questions have been answered many, many, many times.
It was a well thought out decision. It was the right decision. No, I didn't give up too easily.
Even then, I still questioned myself from time to time.
But then, a little over a month ago while scanning my social media networks, I spotted a post from the mother of a young adult that we personally know.
We do not know the mom personally. We just know her daughter.
Her daughter was a former "bestie" of my past client's daughter. She actually lived with my client and her daughter for a bit of time on 2 separate occasions.
Anyway...
The post expressed how the mom of this young adult felt like a failure because her daughter was almost 21 and was only working part-time. Other complaints were the lack of ambition, not going to college, the absence of assistance around the home with housework, not keeping her area of the house clean, etc.
I wanted to reply SO bad. Not with an extensive post. But, with something simple like "What You Allow is What Will Continue" or "Be Careful What You Tolerate Because You're Teaching Them How to Treat You."
But I did not reply for so many reasons.
Because...
I left that world a long time ago.
And...
Because come on!
If your kid is almost 21, it's too late.
Yeah, you read that right.
It. Is. Too. Late.
When your kid was 15 or 16 or 17, and friends and family started making comments. Or teachers and tutors started making comments and referring you to other resources.
Regardless of how harsh they were or how hard to swallow...
You should have listened.
Taken a few steps back.
Taken off your rose-colored glasses.
Reprimanded your kid when they yelled and swore at adults who had treated them well and were only trying to help.
Reprimanded your kid when they yelled and swore at you.
Reprimanded your kid when they refused to help out around the house.
Reprimanded your kid when they refused to do what was asked of them.
Etc.
But...
None of that matters now.
They're almost 21.
Right?
No job. No college. No volunteer work. No efforts around the house. No ambition. Always the victim of circumstance. Laziness. You're still paying for the roof over their head and utilities. They are taking their sweet ol' time finding a full-time job and making excuses. Just hiding away in the shadows of their phone.
They're always the victim of circumstance. And, you, as a parent, will always defend them because in your eyes, anyone who says anything is a bully or harassing your kid.
Just know...
We have a lot of friends who have "kids" who are being raised right.
A friend of ours has a son who is almost 15 and wanted a job. Not because he had to. He was hired as a bagger at a local grocery store. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to.
Another friend of ours has kids in their very early 20's who are full speed ahead. They have worked and sacrificed and were taught discipline. One is in college and the other has his own business and owns his own home at the age of 23.
We have another friend who's daughter is in college full time. She is 22. She works 3 jobs because she wants to pay for her way in life. Not because she has to, but because she wants to. She doesn't want her mom paying for her bills and tuition.
As I always say, the list goes on...
So.
I'm confident that I made the right decision.
Chapter closed.
No looking back.
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