Tuesday, November 6, 2018

It Will Not Be Happening. I Put A Cap On The Temptation.

Since retiring from Academic and Independent Living Tutoring earlier this year, I've had a lot of people reach out to me. Some wanted to know why. Most offered their support and were very understanding. A few were persistent about making exceptions. Others took me by surprise with suggesting I offer military style tutoring. I'll be the first to admit, I was a bit tempted, but now, nope.

The temptation surfaced because in this day and age, what worked a decade ago isn't working now. Times have changed. The Academic and Independent Living curriculum that was beneficial years ago is ancient and useless now.

The reasons for that are much too long to list. 

What capped off my temptation to reopen those doors is what happened after retiring from those services. Now that I wasn't dealing with the constant stress and frustration, and I wasn't amid the turbulence and chaos, I was able to gain a tremendous amount of clarity.

I've had a lot of time to reflect while standing on the outside looking in. By doing that, I learned more than I had in the decade or so that I offered Academic and Independent Living tutoring.

That's another list that is too long to type out, but I will share what's at the top of the list.

The. Parents. 

Yep. You read that correctly. I know I'll probably get a bunch of shit for that, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it or beat around the bush.

One of the biggest stress factors with Academic and Independent Living Tutoring was a truckload of the parents.

I always explained several things to the parents...

1. I'm not a Mom of human kids. Although I have a lot of experience working with kids, teens, and young adults, that does not put me in the Mom-of-Human-Kids-Category.

2. A few hours of tutoring every week isn't going to fix things. In order for Academic and Independent Living Tutoring to work, there has to be consistent and firm effort and follow through in the home environment.

3. What you allow is what will continue.

The last and biggest bit of crucial advice that I gave to the parent/s was this...

I don't care how you raise your kids. I'm not here to tell you how to raise them. That's not my job nor does that interest me in the least bit. Raise your kids however you want. But just remember, the rest of the world has to put up with them.

For example...

If you allow your kid/s to be disrespectful to you and sass back, they're going to think it's okay to do that to others whether it's teachers, their boss at work, other adults, etc.

If you allow your kid/s to be lazy, more than likely, they're not going to be motivated outside of the home. They will put in the least amount of effort with anything required whether it's homework, on the job, volunteer work, etc.

If you dole out minimal consequences in your home, your kid/s will be under the impression that there are no consequences for their poor, disrespectful, or foul behavior outside of the home.

If you don't make your kid/s accountable for their mistakes, shortcomings, and failures, they'll go through life blaming everyone else.

If you allow your kid/s unlimited time on their phones, the internet, gaming, etc., they're going to have a lot of issues with socialization.

If you make excuses for your kid/s and you're always there to fix their mishaps, your kid/s won't learn how to take responsibility and solve difficult problems on their own.

If you don't teach your kid/s the value of money and working hard to earn a living in their teen years, they're going to become adults who work the bare minimum of hours and are financially reliant much longer than they should be.

The list goes on...

This was the point when I hit that brick wall with a lot of the parents despite breaking it all down until I was blue in the face.

My stress level blew through the roof for many, many years.

I finally had it.

I was done.

Even though the temptation to open those doors again with an updated and strict curriculum was right in front of my face, after learning what I did after I retired, that was enough to close the doors forever.

I'm going to be 45 next month.

I don't have the interest or time to be dealing with teens and young adults who mouth off to me, don't do the work, send nasty emails, pull no call no shows, and all around waste my time. Then, to top it off, they have no remorse or don't extend an apology because they think it's okay to act like that because it's allowed at home.

I also don't have the time or extra energy to deal with the parents who think their kid/s acting this way is acceptable.

It's not.

I'm heading into 2019 with lots of goals, determination, and enthusiasm. For the first time in over 10 years, I can fully focus on what I want to do and accomplish.

I'm looking forward to it.

This post is not directed at any single person or parent. It's a culmination of my experiences over the years with Academic and Independent Living tutoring. 

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